Profile

I was abandoned in the Maryland wetlands by my parents as a baby and adopted by ducks. I was the weird one among my adopted bothers and sisters, mostly because I was a human child and they were ducklings. The species gap was very hard to overcome, but we managed and were a happy family in spite of our differences. They cared for me and gave me an education, which is pretty impressive because they were ducks. Then, when I came of age, they sent me on a journey of self-discovery. While in the big city, I met a girl who I instantly fell in love with. "QUACK!" I yelled at her, to initiate the mating ritual of my family. She ran away, and I thought I'd never see her again until we met while being abducted by cyberzombie nazi skinheads with laser suspenders. They took us to an underground facility and made us watch 1930's musical cinema and discuss the finer points of the latest Boy's Life magazines. I used the ancient krav maga techniques of my adopted duck ancestors to defeat the cyberzombie nazi skinheads, took their laser suspenders for my own, and rescued the girl of my dreams. "QUACK!" I yelled at her, and this time she yelled "QUACK!" back. To this day we are happily married and are expecting a child.