Why did the chicken cross the road?

... I will smile a thousand smiles.

Let's compare Zoe's Tale to Twilight.

1.) Both stories center around teenage girls. Both protagonists are considered "the new girl" in their respective environments and are immediately popular with just about everyone because they're just so damn witty and awesome.

1a.) Both protagonists should probably be strangled.

B.) Both appear to have been written ostensibly for young adults while also appealing to a large adult audience.

III.) Both authors are often described as "the next ______." Meyers has been described as "the next Anne Rice" and John Scalzi has been called "the next Robert Heinlein."

Rutabega.) Both glorify a particular religion. Twilight is all about mormonism. Zoe's Tale makes a convincing case as to why Mennonites are pretty awesome. I'm totally convinced that if I ever colonize a harsh and inhospitable planet, I'm bringing along several dozen families of Mennonites because they're the only ones who ever seem to have their act together.

Probably more to come as I go on.

Edit: Hi, Mr. Scalzi! I can't believe you've noticed my little corner of the internet! I'm truly thrilled and honored that you linked to it and I'm glad you didn't take it seriously. On the off chance that you check this again, I'll just leave this note here. I'm really enjoying Zoe's Tale, and wish you lots of luck on the Hugo award. I hope it reaches Twilight's level of sales, too. You've crafted a fine story, sir.

"Rainbow's End" is fantastic. I feel like I've committed a crime by not discovering Vernor Vinge sooner. I'm about halfway through and it's blowing me away. I could do without all of the international intrigue and 21st century weapons of mass destruction part of it. It's typical post-cyberpunk Stand-Alone-Complex-esque fair that's about as interesting as expected. The real meat of the story for me is how the main character, a man who has had alzheimer's for four years and was miraculously cured, is adjusting to a world that is completely alien to anything he remembers. I love that part.

There's also a funny part where the main character uses his augmented reality environment to make his surroundings to look like the Discworld setting. It explains that Terry Pratchett has become very rich off of that, and is now living on a very large part of Scotland. "Rainbow's End" was published before Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with Alzheimer's which seems like a cruel joke. The main character has been cured of Alzheimers in a fictional world, while Mr. Pratchett is dying of it in the real world. I think I'm going to donate money to Alzheimer's research now.

The podcast I downloaded of "Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom" has the most annoying reader I've ever heard. He's talking in this hep-cat trying-too-hard hipster voice that's grating and gets on my nerves. I understand that it fits with the theme of the book, but it gives me a headache. If I can't stand it after I finish "Rainbow's End", I'm just going to read the book. At least it was free.

Also, holy crap, I want to read all of the Hugo nominees. Gaiman, Stephenson, Scalzi, Doctorow, and Stross are in the running for best novel. I especially want to read some Charles Stross before Balticon.

It saddens me deeply that I don't have the time to read as much as I used to. Mostly I've been listening to audiobooks at work, which is nice, but I do honestly enjoy reading. Once I've finished "Throne of Jade" by Naomi Novik, I'm going to start reading "House of Leaves" by Mark Z. Danielewski.

As far as listening goes, I've downloaded "Rainbow's End" by Vernor Vinge and "Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom" by Cory Doctorow. I don't know which one I'll listen to first.

I also have to fit "Spook Country" by William Gibson in there, but I recently listened to "Neuromancer" and don't want to focus too much on one author (Besides Novik, because I want to get caught up on the Temeraire series before the next book).

With all of this serious planning and coordinating for serious adult things going on in my life right now, I'm feeling a very real urge to resist growing up as much as possible. I'm still feeling the need for adventure. It isn't that I'm worried that I'll ever stop having adventures because I'll have a wife and a mortgage. Lord no. I know full well that Kat and I will have many adventures in our new house. It's that taking on these two massive undertakings has left me too drained to pursue any opportunities for stupid misadventures that put spice into my life. It's a matter of balance, really. I haven't had any real adventure since Kat and I went camping back in June. When my grandmother died soon after and I decided to buy her house, I put myself in super-serious mode (as I rightly should have). I guess I've been operating in that mode for so long that I'm feeling that adventurous itch again.

It could also be that I'm not fully mentally prepared for turning 25. I don't know, is that something a 24 year old man normally feels weird about? I kind of do. Not in any negative or positive way, either. It just seems odd that I'm a quarter of a century old, but that's the logical consequence of being born? I'm starting to sound like a Dinosaur Comic. I even question marked a statement? Now I can't stop!

I'm also feeling that maybe I should grow a beard. I've flirted with it a bit, but never truly serious flirting. The same kind of frivolous dedication one would have when "dating" someone in Middle School but all you do is sit next to each other on the bus. Cue weird mental image of 14 year old me sitting on the bus next to Serena Cook, but Serena is replaced by a giant beard. There are some unfortunate consequences in the subtext of that image, aren't there? Oh well! I know Kat's stance on the beard is a no-go, but that's not what's stopping me (sorry, Kat. You're a factor in that, but not the MAIN reason). It's that I got this cool new razor blade that vibrates. The vibration doesn't DO anything, really. It's a gimmick, and it's mostly the 15 trillion razors on this thing is probably the reason why it produces such a smooth baby-ass-face shave. I've done rigorous scientific testing to prove that the vibrating was a gimmick. I still like using it with the vibrating part on because it makes me feel like I'm in a science fiction story, pulling out my vibrorazor and shaving. Then I get attacked by dark Jedi and I'm able to block their light sabers with my vibrating razor.

So um, yeah. Who wants to participate in an office chair jousting tournament? Make your own cardboard armor and design your own heraldry and we'll work on a tourney.

[Error: unknown template qotd]



His name is Nathaniel. He likes to dance.

But this is an exception.


The first five (5) people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year (2009).
- No requests-- it could be anything. It may be a mix CD. It may be a poem.
I may draw or paint something. I may craft you something.
I might bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows?
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch is that if you don't re-post this offer, the bargain is void!

I love reading George R. R. Martin's LJ. It is a constant source of amusement.

The only reason anyone reads it is because they're waiting for him to say "Okay guys, I'm done with A Dance with Dragons, and it WILL be out sometime within the next two months." Anyone who claims otherwise is a sycophantic liar. Nobody who reads that blog gives a shit about his NFL picks or any of that Wild Cards business that George seems to yammer on about incessantly. And yet, it's the only thing he ever posts about unless someone painted a miniature of half-naked Cersei in a see-through gown.

It could be that George R. R. Martin is the most epic troll of all time, starting a masterful and truly amazing fantasy series that has hundreds of thousands of fans dying for the next book... which he will never, ever deliver.

Awesome guy is awesome.

Someone just spammed my LJ. I've been using LJ for like seven years and that's never happened before. What the fuck?